borders "rewards"

Dear Borders,

You and I have had many good times together. You've always been there for me, offering the perfect book, film, or audio selection to see me through. You saw me through Shakespeare in high school, and were somehow able to turn up all of those random books about Scandinavia during my undergrad. It's been great! Our relationship strengthened when you came out with Borders Rewards. We were able to strike a compromise where I was able to use ridiculously awesome coupons to buy even more books.

But here's the thing, you keep sending me these coupons. And the coupons keep getting better! Didn't you hear I'm moving in two weeks and am already having to pry myself away from a good chunk of my collection? Why, in the name of all that is good and holy, would you keep sending me amazing coupons that I can't refuse? What have I ever done but offer you my patronage? All I ask is a sabbatical of a few weeks, just so I can go east without the loss of any more books. That's it!

Thank you for your consideration.

Your favorite shopper,

engquist