weary

Things are changing again, or about to change, or change in a way that everything will remain exactly the same.  That probably doesn't make a lick of sense, but such is my life right now.  Mr. F is finishing up his short-term contract and we're still waiting to find out how the future is going to shape up.  Our attitudes have left a lot to be desired and our outlooks have been bleak.  Each of us struggling with our own demons and trying desperately to work through them together.  We've been back in the States for four months, days and weeks that have flown by but feel like an endless abyss of limbo.  We're so ready for news, good or bad, a sense of what to do so we can make plans for the future and move forward.  As our cumulative anxiety mounts, so does the sense that we're at a crossroad.  We're waiting for the light to change so we can drive on.

It's finally dawning on me how hard this process has been.  The endless uncertainty, supporting a husband who feels like such a failure, reformatting plans and dreams.  It's a hard process.  Most days, I'll admit, I've been doing really well.  But this last week has just hurt.  It's time for an attitude adjustment and to step forth boldly into the unknown.